RoseKink87

 This YouTube video that I came across is a lecture by an individual called Maymay who identifies as a what he describes as a very rare male submissive. The whole title of the discussion is Re-caste-ing Alternative Sexuality: A Class Analysis of Social Status in the BDSM Community by Maymay . Maymay (2011, Oct 1) describes the ways in which patriarchal society are reflected in the norms of the BDSM community.  In one part of his lecture, he shares an anecdote by a heterosexual couple that starts exploring BDSM following the script that a male must be the dominant and they end up realizing they prefer the opposite roles. He describes privilege as how easy it is to get what we want and this couple represents having enough privilege to step outside of what we're told is 'the way to do things' and try out something new. Others with less privilege who are already living on some kind of outskirts of the norm, may not have the resilience to try something outlandish for fear of fur...

 In Clinical Considerations in Treating BDSM Practitioners  (Dunkley & Brotto, 2018), the researchers make clear distinctions for counsellors to differentiate between abuse and BDSM practice. The following guidelines can help you recognize when your client is in a safe, sane and consensual (SSC) BDSM connection or not.  1. A sense of safety will be present in SSC relationships whereas in abusive relationships there will be a strong theme of fearfulness. 2. In BDSM connections there is freedom to change your mind about what you are willing to consent to at any time. 3. Healthy relationships differentiate between BDSM play and other aspects of life, though some established D/s couples may live 24/7 lifestyles by choice. 4. BDSM dynamics often exist within a lifestyle community, while abused individuals are isolated by their abuser. 5. Abusive cycles are predictive with high emotional highs followed by lows lows and oscillate between the two extremes. 6. Power is shared ...

 One of the more common myths that I have come across about the BDSM culture is that the submissive individual does not hold power or control. I am reminded of quadrants of the wheel of consent that involve taking and allowing. If we were a fly on the wall watching two individuals interacting with one another it is subtle to understand that one person might be doing to another for their own pleasure. An example would be an individual with a foot fetish massaging a play partner's foot. To folks who enjoy foot massages, without knowing the context of the interaction we might miss that the massage is actually for the benefit or request of the masseuse rather than the massaged. This means the foot owner is allowing their friend to fondle their feet and the foot owner has, hopefully, given explicit consent for this exchange. We can overlook this aspect of consent at times because it is more subtle than the kind we are used to, which is giving and receiving. These are the nuances of BDSM...

 This article was published in the journal entitled Sexual and Relationship Therapy  and written by Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, J.L. Pollitt and Annalisa Castaldo (2015). Entitled Becoming Kink Aware - A Necessity for Sexuality Professionals , encourages professionals who rely on their interpretations of themselves as 'open-minded' to consider that it may not be enough. The article makes specific suggestions around types of training that may benefit folks who would like to work closely with kinky clients. The article highlights the ways in which BDSM practices have become part of mainstream culture, in particular through the release of Fifty Shades of Grey. I have not personally read the book or seen the film and I have heard a lot of criticism around how consent is portrayed, while also hearing that useful tools for obtaining consent are highlighted. It appears that there is an attempt to balance introducing marginalized sexualities while also keeping them within a familiar hete...

 I recently attended my second play party and it was much different from my first. I felt like there was more for me to do and more people to talk to. I acted as greeter for the majority of arrivals so many of the guests felt familiar once I joined the festivities. It has been 3 days since the party occurred and I've been waking up each morning with my head jumbled with feelings and images that I'm still making sense of. Play parties challenge many of the norms that we have been taught in society about sex. Sexuality is celebrated and becomes playful and potentially public. One thing that I really enjoy is that I felt a sense that I could show up as nude as I wanted and no one would expect that it meant I wanted to be sexual with them. This is a new and enlivening experience for me. I was hit on by several people and I chose not to engage sexually that evening, thought it is extremely exciting to feel like there is an abundance of choice. One experience that I witnessed in one ...

 Whether you're sexual or not, BDSM is still something folks engage in. Even though I'm a sexual being, I have a non-sexual BDSM relationship that I'm exploring with a partner that I talk about earlier on in the blog. Our relationship continues to grow and I help M achieve goals that he has otherwise developed habits that interrupt his progress. Most recently I commanded him to share a calendar with me as he appears to double, or even triple book himself at times. I told him that he had to ask permission before agreeing to any more social appointments.  I wasn't sure of myself when I asked these things of him, Is this okay? Is this controlling? Am I allowed to ask this of someone else? I don't always trust M because I've noticed that he can say things that people want to hear rather than speaking his truth. I noticed this because his story would consistently change from one moment to the next depending on the situation. So I wasn't sure how to navigate getti...

Now I don't know if this article is relevant to my capstone, but it is adjacent. One of the challenges of studying something is that many related articles pop up and draw your attention away from "the goal". But what is a topic without context? I feel like the problem with research in general is that the context of something is stripped away and the information becomes somewhat irrelevant in the process.  This article by Silja Kukka is entitled   Fandom's Pornographic Subset: Kink Meme Communities as Queer Female Practices  and was only published last year in 2021. It appears that there is an online subculture of "slash fiction" that is essentially kinky pornography that is inspired by fandoms who post in the comments about what kind of characters and sex they would like to read about. The article frames this work as both a response to the saturation of male-centric porn that's available as well as the opportunity that the internet provides to connection...

When I was moving into a sex positive community, one of my first wonderings was 'is everyone having sex with each other?' I'm certain this is a common misconception and my roommate confirmed that others have asked as much. I alluded to my curiosity and related concerns when I spoke to the landlord at a social that I attended while I was still interviewing for a room. I was very indirect with my, 'how is conflict resolved?' line of questioning.  It wasn't until I moved in and had a really beautiful experience with a housemate that I learned about unspoken policies. I hold a small amount of insecurity because I don't shave my body nor do I wear a bra much of the time. I was socializing in one of the apartments and a housemate flirtatiously drew attention to these parts of my body, showing obvious excitement and celebration of me. It was the most validating casual flirtation I have ever experienced. To be celebrated for not one, but two vulnerable aspects of my...

My household is clothing optional. I've never lived in such a place, though when I lived in Montreal I applied for a place that was female and clothing optional in my early twenties. My house is all genders and I have seen most of my roommates naked and I tell people that there might be nudity before they visit.  I love being nude, but the thing that's kinda new for me is that your often nude alone. Like you're walking into the bathroom nude. People don't tend to hang out nude, but they might get something from the kitchen or head to the bathroom. So since everyone isn't showering at the same time, you're generally the only one nude when it happens. Except when there's parties, then anyone may or may not be in some state of nudity. I just went out for the first time when I knew there was multiple people in the living room because I forgot my phone in the kitchen. I noticed that my shoulders hunched protectively and my arms curled around my body. One day I wo...

This article was published in 2017 by Kai Lin. Something that stood out for me in the introduction is the reminder that psychiatry and psychology historically began research of kink with a clinical lens. The research community had supportive intention, but they were initially seeking to solve sexual predation and psychosis rather than understand pleasure outside of its usual context. It was sociology that started exploring the topic with more curiosity and openness, wanting to understand.  With this context in mind the landscape of stigmatization, though not just, makes more sense. Lin reminds us of the medicalization of various natural human behaviours including: same-sex relationships, breastfeeding, birth, male circumcision and masturbation. It is difficult for me to wrap my head around participating in the outskirts of a field that is so wrought with violence. Yet it is a life we try to find balance in as we navigate the stories of the very land that we live on. Initially it ap...