Boundaries & Public Sex

When I was moving into a sex positive community, one of my first wonderings was 'is everyone having sex with each other?' I'm certain this is a common misconception and my roommate confirmed that others have asked as much. I alluded to my curiosity and related concerns when I spoke to the landlord at a social that I attended while I was still interviewing for a room. I was very indirect with my, 'how is conflict resolved?' line of questioning. 

It wasn't until I moved in and had a really beautiful experience with a housemate that I learned about unspoken policies. I hold a small amount of insecurity because I don't shave my body nor do I wear a bra much of the time. I was socializing in one of the apartments and a housemate flirtatiously drew attention to these parts of my body, showing obvious excitement and celebration of me. It was the most validating casual flirtation I have ever experienced. To be celebrated for not one, but two vulnerable aspects of myself. I was floored.

Later on I brought this up to him thanking him. He responded by letting me know that sex between housemates was discouraged. Even though it might be interpreted as a form of rejection, I felt secure enough in myself to recognize this as an opportunity of connection. I had already shared with some friends that I prefer to keep my sex life separate from my living situation and this tidbit further confirmed that I had moved into the right place for me. 

I asked my roommate why it wasn't a written guideline, as we sign a roommate agreement when we move into the space. It was unclear as to why it was unwritten, though we are re-visiting our roommate agreement at the next house meeting and I'm wondering what the implications of including it might be. Perhaps it is too restrictive to include things we cannot do sexually and best to focus on the ways we can safely engage in the kind of sex we want to have.

Part of the agreement that stood out to me when I first read it was that if we are to have hardcore sex in public spaces that we would first inform our housemates as to the date and time so they were aware of it. We can even book the basement for dates such as this and while most are likely not to pass though as a result, it is not completely against the rules. If you are to pass through a scene of some kind, you are simply meant to call out "safe port?" and wait for an affirmative response before passing through. 

Someone explained to me that this is a BDSM term that is commonplace to either interrupt or pass through a scene. I am learning a lot about this sex positive culture. I'm curious about the nuances of how it might differ in other cities or even other kinky communities within the city of New York. More will be revealed!