Becoming Kink Aware

 This article was published in the journal entitled Sexual and Relationship Therapy and written by Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, J.L. Pollitt and Annalisa Castaldo (2015). Entitled Becoming Kink Aware - A Necessity for Sexuality Professionals, encourages professionals who rely on their interpretations of themselves as 'open-minded' to consider that it may not be enough. The article makes specific suggestions around types of training that may benefit folks who would like to work closely with kinky clients.

The article highlights the ways in which BDSM practices have become part of mainstream culture, in particular through the release of Fifty Shades of Grey. I have not personally read the book or seen the film and I have heard a lot of criticism around how consent is portrayed, while also hearing that useful tools for obtaining consent are highlighted. It appears that there is an attempt to balance introducing marginalized sexualities while also keeping them within a familiar heteronormative romantic structure so as to draw in a larger audience. It is a complicated task to disseminate oppressive forces and I feel the full responsibility of it while I attempt to participate in this endeavour while trying to not let it cripple me into paralyzation.

The authors site that part of this effort is to frame BDSM as healing so as to help the mainstream make sense of it and accept it as useful. At the same time this can be problematic because then the only experience of BDSM that some have is that it is for healing which means that something was previously wrong with those engage in it. This is not actually true and the article sites several studies to prove as much. These studies portray kinky individuals as often well-educated, less risk-averse, and feel more sexually empowered. 

When it comes to labelling study participants as well-educated it is important to consider what population is likely to both value and have access to higher education and as a result what individuals might not be included in both these practices and these studies. I have heard about queer POC play parties in the area which a friend has spoken of highly and even though they do not identify as a POC have been warmly welcomed and found the space to feel particularly safe to their nervous system. I also heard multiple others mention that there can be a feeling of pressure to 'perform' at a more mainstream play party. There are a variety of types of play parties and I have only begun scratching the surface. 

The three part training that the article recommends includes attending a Sexual Attitude Reassessment training which was developed in 1998 by a man named Stayton. In 2005, a man named Barker proposed adding an SM element to this training. These workshops are put on by various organizations. The most recent one I took was advertised by AASECT and organized by ISTI (Integrative Sex Therapy Institute). You can access the AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists) calendar here: https://www.aasect.org/continuing-education Both organizers provide lots of interesting educational opportunities catering to sexual health professionals but open to the general public and they provide scholarships to make them accessible. 

These trainings allow participant opportunities to be exposed to various fringe sexualities and have opportunities to reflect and discuss themes and personal reactions to them. Being aware of our blind spots and biases is an important part of showing up for our clients as therapists. These can be difficult to identify unless we are willing to humble ourselves and dig in to our unconscious in such spaces as the SAR. 

Additional steps that the article encourages are independent reading and skill development with supervision. I have been reading like mad as you can see through this blog and loving it. I feel like I can't possibly keep up with everything that I want to read and that's exciting and a little daunting. One things I've noticed though, is that the more I delve into the lifestyle in my personal life, the more relevant readings become to me. This is normal and I want to be careful not to elevate my own enjoyable practices as 'better' than the practices that others might prefer.