Consent Continued...

 In Clinical Considerations in Treating BDSM Practitioners (Dunkley & Brotto, 2018), the researchers make clear distinctions for counsellors to differentiate between abuse and BDSM practice. The following guidelines can help you recognize when your client is in a safe, sane and consensual (SSC) BDSM connection or not. 

1. A sense of safety will be present in SSC relationships whereas in abusive relationships there will be a strong theme of fearfulness.

2. In BDSM connections there is freedom to change your mind about what you are willing to consent to at any time.

3. Healthy relationships differentiate between BDSM play and other aspects of life, though some established D/s couples may live 24/7 lifestyles by choice.

4. BDSM dynamics often exist within a lifestyle community, while abused individuals are isolated by their abuser.

5. Abusive cycles are predictive with high emotional highs followed by lows lows and oscillate between the two extremes.

6. Power is shared through negotiation in healthy relationships, whereas abuse has a clear and distinct power imbalance.

7. Mutual respect is present in healthy connections.

Even though consent is more common in the world of BDSM, abuse does not differentiate between identity and is present in the lives of many. An additional aspect of BDSM play that is useful to consider is when it leaves marks on the body. There are several ways to differentiate between marks that were deliberate and consensual and the result of abuse. First, BDSM tends to be more discreet and is less likely to involve facial markings. Second, marks during a scene are likely to create a specific pattern that looks more intentional and less random. Finally, impact play most often is done on more fleshy areas of the body that make it more enjoyable such as the butt and thighs, upper back and genitals.

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