Re-caste-ing Alternative Sexuality

 This YouTube video that I came across is a lecture by an individual called Maymay who identifies as a what he describes as a very rare male submissive. The whole title of the discussion is Re-caste-ing Alternative Sexuality: A Class Analysis of Social Status in the BDSM Community by Maymay. Maymay (2011, Oct 1) describes the ways in which patriarchal society are reflected in the norms of the BDSM community. 

In one part of his lecture, he shares an anecdote by a heterosexual couple that starts exploring BDSM following the script that a male must be the dominant and they end up realizing they prefer the opposite roles. He describes privilege as how easy it is to get what we want and this couple represents having enough privilege to step outside of what we're told is 'the way to do things' and try out something new. Others with less privilege who are already living on some kind of outskirts of the norm, may not have the resilience to try something outlandish for fear of further ostracism. 

I came across this discussion because I was looking for a talk by Margot Weiss who is a prominent researcher in the BDSM community, hoping to take a break from reading. Maymay quotes some of the statistics from Weiss's studies, highlighting that the research is representative of mostly white, cis, able-bodies folks with access to resources. He shares examples of how individuals in privileged positions get inappropriately drunk and sort of 'get away' with it by saying sorry. Drunkenness at BDSM gatherings is extremely dangerous, as it mitigates the ability to give explicit consent when participating.

Maymay talks about BDSM as a connecting activity which feels like how I would personally like to engage in it. I have to be careful though because just because it's how I would like to participate, doesn't mean that I should put my preferences on a hierarchy. While it might not seem that submitting to or allowing someone to inflict pain upon you is your definition of intimacy, it is interesting the vulnerability and trust that must be present to engage in these types of activities consensually. 

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