RoseKink87

 This extra intellectual and fresh perspective on the experience of those that engage in BDSM was written by three folks from Italy (Faccio, E., Sarigu, D. & Ludici, A.) and published in 2020. The full title of the article is What is it like to be a BDSM Player? The Role of Sexuality and Erotization of Power in the BDSM Experience . These researchers set out to explore what happens if we consider BDSM a sexual orientation. The introduction reminds us that the terms included in the acronym BDSM are medically originating and therefore pathologizing in their nature. The authors prefer the term Erotic Power Exchange (EPE) to describe the concepts of BDSM to participate in neutralizing marginalization that has occurred to this community. Furthermore, the legitimization of EPE as a form of erotic  expression makes it no longer "alternative". I italicize erotic because a concept that I described in an earlier post that differentiates the erotic from the sexual is especially rele...

 This YouTube video that I came across is a lecture by an individual called Maymay who identifies as a what he describes as a very rare male submissive. The whole title of the discussion is Re-caste-ing Alternative Sexuality: A Class Analysis of Social Status in the BDSM Community by Maymay . Maymay (2011, Oct 1) describes the ways in which patriarchal society are reflected in the norms of the BDSM community.  In one part of his lecture, he shares an anecdote by a heterosexual couple that starts exploring BDSM following the script that a male must be the dominant and they end up realizing they prefer the opposite roles. He describes privilege as how easy it is to get what we want and this couple represents having enough privilege to step outside of what we're told is 'the way to do things' and try out something new. Others with less privilege who are already living on some kind of outskirts of the norm, may not have the resilience to try something outlandish for fear of fur...

 In Clinical Considerations in Treating BDSM Practitioners  (Dunkley & Brotto, 2018), the researchers make clear distinctions for counsellors to differentiate between abuse and BDSM practice. The following guidelines can help you recognize when your client is in a safe, sane and consensual (SSC) BDSM connection or not.  1. A sense of safety will be present in SSC relationships whereas in abusive relationships there will be a strong theme of fearfulness. 2. In BDSM connections there is freedom to change your mind about what you are willing to consent to at any time. 3. Healthy relationships differentiate between BDSM play and other aspects of life, though some established D/s couples may live 24/7 lifestyles by choice. 4. BDSM dynamics often exist within a lifestyle community, while abused individuals are isolated by their abuser. 5. Abusive cycles are predictive with high emotional highs followed by lows lows and oscillate between the two extremes. 6. Power is shared ...

 One of the more common myths that I have come across about the BDSM culture is that the submissive individual does not hold power or control. I am reminded of quadrants of the wheel of consent that involve taking and allowing. If we were a fly on the wall watching two individuals interacting with one another it is subtle to understand that one person might be doing to another for their own pleasure. An example would be an individual with a foot fetish massaging a play partner's foot. To folks who enjoy foot massages, without knowing the context of the interaction we might miss that the massage is actually for the benefit or request of the masseuse rather than the massaged. This means the foot owner is allowing their friend to fondle their feet and the foot owner has, hopefully, given explicit consent for this exchange. We can overlook this aspect of consent at times because it is more subtle than the kind we are used to, which is giving and receiving. These are the nuances of BDSM...

 This article was published in the journal entitled Sexual and Relationship Therapy  and written by Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, J.L. Pollitt and Annalisa Castaldo (2015). Entitled Becoming Kink Aware - A Necessity for Sexuality Professionals , encourages professionals who rely on their interpretations of themselves as 'open-minded' to consider that it may not be enough. The article makes specific suggestions around types of training that may benefit folks who would like to work closely with kinky clients. The article highlights the ways in which BDSM practices have become part of mainstream culture, in particular through the release of Fifty Shades of Grey. I have not personally read the book or seen the film and I have heard a lot of criticism around how consent is portrayed, while also hearing that useful tools for obtaining consent are highlighted. It appears that there is an attempt to balance introducing marginalized sexualities while also keeping them within a familiar hete...

 I recently attended my second play party and it was much different from my first. I felt like there was more for me to do and more people to talk to. I acted as greeter for the majority of arrivals so many of the guests felt familiar once I joined the festivities. It has been 3 days since the party occurred and I've been waking up each morning with my head jumbled with feelings and images that I'm still making sense of. Play parties challenge many of the norms that we have been taught in society about sex. Sexuality is celebrated and becomes playful and potentially public. One thing that I really enjoy is that I felt a sense that I could show up as nude as I wanted and no one would expect that it meant I wanted to be sexual with them. This is a new and enlivening experience for me. I was hit on by several people and I chose not to engage sexually that evening, thought it is extremely exciting to feel like there is an abundance of choice. One experience that I witnessed in one ...

 Whether you're sexual or not, BDSM is still something folks engage in. Even though I'm a sexual being, I have a non-sexual BDSM relationship that I'm exploring with a partner that I talk about earlier on in the blog. Our relationship continues to grow and I help M achieve goals that he has otherwise developed habits that interrupt his progress. Most recently I commanded him to share a calendar with me as he appears to double, or even triple book himself at times. I told him that he had to ask permission before agreeing to any more social appointments.  I wasn't sure of myself when I asked these things of him, Is this okay? Is this controlling? Am I allowed to ask this of someone else? I don't always trust M because I've noticed that he can say things that people want to hear rather than speaking his truth. I noticed this because his story would consistently change from one moment to the next depending on the situation. So I wasn't sure how to navigate getti...