Entry #1: A fresh page

 Just over 4 months ago I moved to New York City from Victoria, BC, Canada. I unburdened my basement suite where I had spend the entirety of Covid living alone and suppressing my social needs and the feelings that resulted from scarcity. Having just returned from visiting my childhood home in Hawai'i, NYC now dominates as feeling 'most homey' in my nervous system currently. Nothing like a first return from a trip away to solidify your relationship with place.

So here I am, in NYC, the place where people go to fulfill their dreams. Hah! It is pretty incredible. I have made so many friends and there is no shortage of things that I want to involve myself in. I'm grateful for my self-care practices to hold me accountable to my health so that I can navigate such opportunity with ease.

There is much abundance in my life after a plethora of scarcity. I feel enthusiastic and spiritually connected. I feel like I'm supposed to be here, in the house that I'm living in and with the people I'm meant to be around. Not every moment is a joyful one, but as I befriend my varying emotional states they become playful and interesting parts of me. 

Recently I had an opportunity to acknowledge and interact with the part of me that is irritable. I spent an extended period of time with a friend and they hav the patience to not get riled up in response to my irritation. This gives me the opportunity to take a peek at it and see what's happening underneath it.

In order to continue exploring it and allow my friend an opportunity to engage with their own kink, we discussed me punishing him when my response to his behaviour results in the arrival of irritation. We took an object of particularly punishing energy for him (a wooden spoon) and played with it. I wasn't sure what to do exactly, but I followed my intuition and started tapping him gently with it. I've read that it's best to start slowly when it comes to impact play.

Eventually I hit harder, but not solely on the bum, all over the body. Then I felt inclined to caress his face with it and listened to the friction of his scruff agains the splinters of the wood. I noticed that when I put it on his throat that his whole body convulsed, which I thought was interesting...so I left it there for a minute or so. I went through all these steps a few times and then did a little wax play. 

My first intentional scene. I'm doing it. I believe deeply in the therapeutic value of kink. Today my friend said that the wooden spoon no longer held the same stories that it used to. Their relationship had gently shifted. I was moved.

What's next? More will be revealed.


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